So This Is The New... Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, We Get It.

Blogger (or maybe God...) apparently never wants me to post again. This is the third time I've attempted to write this entry and hopefully it will be the last. The first draft was a little too much of a personal blog for me to feel comfortable posting it, so I saved it as a draft, which didn't actually save. Then, I reworked the first draft into a less rambling, more relevant second draft that blogger decided didn't need to be posted, or saved as a draft. So here I am, third time's the charm. This is in the vein of resolutions. Here we go...

New job. Soon, a new apartment. I feel like 2009, as opposed to 2008, is going to be a year for restructuring. For once in my life I'm going to focus on taking care of myself, instead of spending the majority of my time trying to take care of those around me. Lonney told me, the night before he moved to Chicago, that I care far more for those around me than I do for myself, and it's undeniably true. I have always been the person who will rush to someone's side at any hour of the night, no matter what time it is, or when I have to be awake in the morning. I need to find some balance. I need to learn to be better at asking for help when I need it.

My second resolution comes from Christina. One of my greatest talents is rationalizing, over thinking, and calculating every move in my life. I honestly hate it. I am never spontaneous, or rash. I am always in control. I have never been one to act emotionally, and I have a hard time allowing myself to be vulnerable. Christina, for the last few months, has been encouraging me to follow my heart. The advice seems so simple, and it is. It makes so much sense. But it is somehow a huge hurdle for me.

Now, for the short list:

-  Read more.

-  Start exercising again.

-  Drastically cut back on the number of cigarettes I smoke. (I'm not going to say quit smoking, because that seems so cliche, but that really is what I mean to say.)

-  Be more open to the idea of making friends, i.e., stop being so much of an asshole.

Longer term goal:

-  Go back to school. I feel like my brain is wasting away.