Americans Under 70 May Find That 2008 Was Their Least Favorite Year (Bloomberg News Service)
PS. I bought a Nord Lead 2, so 2009 is already off to a great start.
2008-12-31
The End of Perhaps the Worst/Best/I Don't Even Know What to Think Anymore Year Ever
Americans Under 70 May Find That 2008 Was Their Least Favorite Year (Bloomberg News Service)
PS. I bought a Nord Lead 2, so 2009 is already off to a great start.
Hate '08
Hate '08 (formerly 'dear santa, all I want for xmas is a soul')
10. Barbara Streisand records. At least 3 of every 10 records in any thrift store, anywhere in the world, are by this ragamuffin.
9. The goatee. Goatees are kind of like people wearing sweatpants in public to me. I don’t know whether to laugh out loud or go and slap the shit out someone for their aesthetic aberrations. Dear human race: lets wrap this ‘just sucked off a coalminer’ fashion statement in sweatpants, and bury it far, far in the recesses of our collective unconscious.
8. Top Rolling Tobacco. It’s really not so much the shitty smoke as it is the perpetual poverty that warrants its usage.
7. Songs about other songs. ‘who put the bop in the bop-sha-bop-sha-bop’ and all this mess. These make me more sick than mash-ups. (kidding! sort of)
6. Urban Outfitters. I think #6 is the one where I realize how much I actually just hate myself: for every two minute monologue I’ve uttered about how disgusting the commodification of hip really is, I’ve probably spent three minutes inside one of these stores. Fuck.
5. That Show where rich people parade their charity on Fox. Fuck you Life: make me rich. It would make a muuuuuch better show than some douche who struck gold with a new fried chicken recipe showcasing their lackluster, halfhearted goodwill. Muuuuuuch better show…
4. The Junkie. This is the model, of a make of designer jeans, that allows for any bitching I’ve ever done about Urban Outfitters and the like to be fully validated. Fuck borrowing from the underbelly and coining it accessible fashion while at the same time looking down at the trash from whom you have appropriated your identity. Whoever did this should stick their veins full of AIDS-riddled needles, or take a bath with a blow dryer.
3. Jobs and relationships. I say it’s high time we do away with these vestigial relics of human social construction. Granted, jobs and relationships, you have fertilized many a field with the desperation necessary to creative inspiration-I’d be willing to look for that inspiration elsewhere. Screw you jobs and relationships. Life is for kicks.
2. Fallout Boy. I finally had the misfortune of listening to these fuck stains the other day. I came across a live show on what appeared to be the Disney Channel. Unless there’s two different bands called Fallout Boy, and I happened upon the G rated version, there is something fundamentally wrong with you if you like this band. Dear Fallout Boy: grow a soul, then lock it up somewhere sneaky so you will not remember where you put it, and then throw away the key. Never, ever, ever, try to find it or tell it’s story via song.
1. Fallout Aircrafts. Planes and helicopters have taken the lives of many amazing people like Buddy Holly, Patsy Cline, Jim Croce, Bill Graham, and Otis Redding, though spare the lives of the Barenaked ladies singer and the drummer of Blink 182. WTF? If this year has taught me anything, it’s that apparently if you’re a douche, then don’t worry about flying in planes. If they crash, you’ll live! Go ahead and get yourself a pilots license, some booze, blow, and loose women, and fly them shits yourself! And if you’re just a regular shmo with a fear of flying, try to book a flight with Peter Frampton, Steely Dan, or P Diddy, and you’ll be golden.
Love,
Chaz
2008-12-30
My Driving Out of this God Forsaken Town Mix
"Glock Nines (Ratatat Remix) - Beanie Sigel & Jay-Z
"Skip Town" - Aesop Rock
"Collapsing At Your Doorstep" - Air France
"Asleep" - Album Leaf
"Maybe You Can Owe Me" - Architecture in Helsinki
"Since I Left You" - The Avalanches
"Haterz Everywhere" - Wes Fif & B.o.B
"Race-In" - Battles
"No Sleep Til' Brooklyn" - Beastie Boys
"The Golden Age" - Beck
"Black Grease" - The Black Angels
"Dirty Hands" - The Black Lips
"Insomniac Olympics" - Blockhead
"North By Northwest" - Blue Scholars
"Terrapin" - Bonobo
"Roads Must Roll" - Boom Bip
"The Plan (Live Version)" - Built To Spill
"Rudie Can't Fail" - The Clash
"Hello New World" - Clipse
"Black Panther" - Crystal Castles
"Close To Me" - The Cure
"Far Away" - Cut Copy
"Rollin' and Scratchin'" - Daft Punk
"11h30" - Danger
"Fa-Fa-Fa" - Datarock
"Changes"/"Oh! You Pretty Things"/"Eight Line Poem"/"Queen Bitch" - David Bowie
"If We Don't Make It (We'll Fake It)" - Death From Above 1979
"Summer's Gonna Hurt You" - Diplo
"Song 2" - DJ Krush
"We Are Rockstars" - Does It Offend You, Yeah?
"Chalo" - Esau Mwamwaya
"Glass Danse" - The Faint
"Twenty Three"/"Parks"/"Leila Came Around and We Watched a Video"/"Everything Is Alright"/"You Could Ruin My Day"/"Hilarious Movie of the '90s (Koushik remix)" - Four Tet
"Five Four Child Voice" - Fridge
"Sweet Love For Planet Earth"/"Bright Tomorrow" - Fuck Buttons
"Ankle Injuries" - Fujiya & Miyagi
"Easier"/"Lullabye"/"Knife" - Grizzly Bear
"No Regrets"/"Keep Your Eyes Ahead" - The Helio Sequence
"Milkshake"/"The Pulse"/"Lovely Allen (Live on dublab)" - Holy Fuck
"Look After Me"/"The Warning" - Hot Chip
"Iron Clad Lou"/"Pinch & Roll"/"Stars" - Hum
"Desert Sea (Live)" - Jawbox
"Love Will Tear Us Apart"/"Disorder" - Joy Division
"Stress (Live verson)"/"One Minute to Midnight (Promo mix)"/"Phantom Part III (Pragmatic mix)" - Justice
"Day 'n' Nite"/"Dat New New"/"The Prayer"/"Man on the Moon" - Kid Cudi
"Goodnight Bad Morning" - The Kills
"Sex On Fire" - Kings of Leon
"Heartbeats" - The Knife
"All Of My Friends" - LCD Soundsystem
"Let the Beat Build" - Lil Wayne
"So Low, So High"/"Liquid Sugar" - Maps
"Good Fucking Bye" - Matt Skiba
Everything by Megasoid
"Shadows" - Midnight Juggernauts
"Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset"/"Custom Concern (BBC Sessions version)" - Modest Mouse
"Sine Waves"/"You Don't Know Jesus"/"Acid Food"/"Auto Rock" - Mogwai
"Great Escape" - No Kids
"Our Life is not a Movie or Maybe" - Okkervil River
"Goblin City (Holy Ghost! remix)" - Panthers
"Up Against the Wall" - Peter, Bjorn and John
"High and Dry"/"Street Spirit (Fade Out)"/"How to Disappear Completely"/"The National Anthem"/"Reckoner"/"15 Steps" - Radiohead
"Ghostwriter" - RJD2
"I Wonder" - Rodriguez
"Divine" - Sebastian Tellier
"Svefn-G-Englar"/"Staralfur"/"Se Lest"/"Sæglopur" - Sigur Ros
"Sleep Deprivation" - Simian Mobile Disco
"Paper Tiger" - Spoon
"That Dress Looks Nice On You (Cinematographer Remix)" - Sufjan Stevens
"This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)"/"(Nothing But) Flowers" - Talking Heads
"I Won't Be Found"/"The Gardener"/"This Wind" - The Tallest Man On Earth
"Fahrenheit Fair Enough"/"Map of What is Effortless"/"Nothing's Worth Losing That" - Telefon Tel Aviv
"Breathe (Extended Mix)" - Telepopmusik
"A Pillar of Salt"/"An Ear For Baby" - The Thermals
"The Eraser (XXXchange remix)"/"Black Swan"/"And It Rained All Night" - Thom Yorke
"Bursting With Tears, I Commit To Destroying You" - Timeout Drawer
Everything by TV On The Radio
"Int'l Players' Anthem (I Choose You)" - UGK (RIP Pimp C)
There it is. It's been fun Missoula but you're like an inappreciative girlfriend. The "Players' Anthem" says it all. Between packing and cleaning I had the time to upload this Kid Cudi track "Man On The Moon (The Anthem)", whether it appears on his upcoming LP Man On The Moon is up in the air. Enjoy. And again, good fucking bye Missoula!
(You Have A) Friend in Low Places.
I'm in Flippers, full pitcher in front of me and my 11 pm phone date notably absent (the internet at Flippers is far more reliable than the internet I scam from the neighbors, hence being here for a phone date with my friend who lives in Finland). I thought I could use this time to catch up on my blogging, but... I don't really have anything to say.
However, since this seems to have turned into a video blog, I'll leave with with this:
I find it entertaining. And it not Chris Lilley!
2008-12-29
Chris Lilley Is A Comedic Genius
2008-12-28
2008-12-25
Bonus Round
Two albums that should have been in my Top 10:
Fuck Buttons - Street Horrrsing
I got a late jump on listening to this album, and it was mostly at Eric's insistence that I even gave it a chance. At first, I was not terribly impressed. To the impatient ear there is nothing special about this album. However, I kept listening, over and over, and it grew on me. Quickly. What they do, they do well. If you've given the album a listen and weren't sold, I encourage you to give it a couple more chances. It's worth it.
No Kids - Come Into My House
Dallas is the only other person I've talked to who has listened to this. Sometimes I feel a little bit crazy for liking this album as much as I do. For some reason I can't help but feel like I shouldn't. The Canadian trio have a sound that meshes all things good from Sufjan Stevens, Hot Chip, and Flight of The Concords, but still somehow reminds me of cheesy soft rock. But it's so good. Plus they've got a pretty awesome name.
Most overrated album of the year:
Deerhunter - Microcastle
Seriously, you guys? This album is terrible. Track four, titled "Little Kids" actually caused me to have a panic attack. Not only because the music was so terrible, but because I couldn't help but imagine that I would somehow find myself trapped listening to that song for all of eternity surround by children. I gave this album a once over when I was writing my Top 10 and it was all I could do to get through it. If someone could point out the highlights of this album I might be able to find some understanding of the acclaim, but otherwise I'm lost.
Album released in 2007 that I didn't listen to until this year:
Justice - Cross
Yep. I said it. It's mostly because I'm an idiot, and a little bit because the original version of D.A.N.C.E. led me to believe they were going to be another flash in the pan. Fast forward a very short period of time and Justice has basically overshadowed original French electro duo Daft Punk. I don't need to say anything about the album. Feel free to punch me in the face.
Best half album:
Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
Tracks one through seven? Great. The rest of the album? Utter shite. But the first half is so solid. In the band's defense, there is a bit of a concept behind the album and the second half is meant to be entirely different from the first, but it only really succeeds in falling on its face. I highly recommend tracks three and four, "And I" and "Salt". I spent many a day in the back room of Ear Candy singing along to the first half of this album. In the band's defense, there is a bit of a concept behind the album so the two halves are supposed to be completely different, except the second half just sucks.
(FUCK BLOGSPOT. Apparently, at this point in my entry blogspot stopped saving my draft so the subsequent two thirds of my entry disappeared when Safari decided it didn't want to work anymore either. I'm not excited about this.)
Best throwback album of '08:
Blink 182 - Enema of The State
This album easily marks the pinnacle of Blink 182's musical repertoire. I bought this album when I was 15 and listened to it endlessly, fell asleep to it every night. And nearly ten years later I still enjoy it immensely. Somehow, every ridiculous lyric came back to me immediately and the inevitable nostalgia for simpler times made me appreciate where I am today.
Most played track of '08:
Grizzly Bear - Graceland (Paul Simon cover)
This song slays me. It got me through many a long day, and I can clearly recall multiple several day stints when this was the only track I listened to. This selection is clearly based 100% on an emotional attachment to a song, so I'm going to stop being emo... now.
Best Christmas song:
Sufjan Stevens - Do You See What I See?
Sufjan's synth laden eighth installment of his holiday series "Songs for Christmas Vol. VIII: Astral Inter Planet Space Captain Christmas Infinity Voyage" is a clear departure from his earlier holiday collections. A little over the top at times, but a welcome change nonetheless. His take on "Do You See What I See?", with Sufjan's lamenting vocals, synth robot backing, and stripped down instrumental track is easily the highlight of the album. I'm not a big fan of Christmas music, but this is good.
Sufjan Stevens - Do You See What I See?
Honorable Mention:
Alvin & The Chipmunks - A Very B.More Christmas
The original of this track is ridiculous and incredibly annoying. The remix is still ridiculous but somehow works really well. Credit has to go to Mike for introducing me to it. So good I had to dance to it twice the first time I heard it at Dead Hipster Headquarters.
Biggest loser of '08:
Kanye West
He lost to everyone this year. He lost to Stephen Colbert. He lost to Gorilla vs. Bear. He lost to Sarah Palin (which was a close race, in his defense). He lost to himself circa two years ago. He lost his integrity. He lost his adult demographic. Literally. My thirteen year old sister is the only person I know who actually wants to listen to his music. Except for that one girl I met the other night who everyone at the table immediately shunned. You're done Kanye. At this point you're going to have to settle for making tracks with that other washed up, has-been... what's her name... Madonna.
Best slow jam:
Kid Cudi - The Prayer
Holy shit this track is good. And not just because it samples a great Band of Horses track. Or because of the lyrical sample of my childhood pre-bed prayer. While writing this I've been trying to listen to everything I'm writing about but I keep coming back to this track. It's just damn good.
Album I really hoped was going to be good, but knew wasn't going to be as good as I wanted:
Kings of Leon - Only by the Night
I loved KOL's first two albums. I've seen them twice. But their last two albums have been more disappointment than anything else. Each has a few good tracks and the rest just seems to be mainstream filler. I'm not impressed.
Album I can't bring myself to listen to even though I have a handful of people hounding me to:
The Killers - Day & Age
I actually just had to look up the name of the album. It's that bad. I used to love The Killers, you know, back when they released their first album and they were great. I couldn't bring myself to listen to "Sam's Town" more than a few times, and by the time their third release came out I'd already heard all of the B-sides on it years before. Needless to say, I don't have much hope. I know that eventually I'll break down and give it a listen, but don't hold your breath. I hadn't even listened to "In Rainbows" until Eric played it on the drive to Billings, and I actually like Radiohead. I've had it since it came out, I just have this weird listening block with certain albums.
Skanky Bogans, or How I've Been Killing Time
I hadn't heard about this show until this week, and have subsequently been watching it endlessly. Summer Heights High is an HBO series that chronicles three characters at an Australian high school, all played by the same actor. There are only seven episodes, with an eighth on the way. The clip below focuses on Ja'mie, a private school transfer who is making new friends at public school. Enjoy.
2008-12-24
One More For Tonight
This is what happens when twenty somethings go a little stir crazy...
The night was hilarious and awesome and there is a large number of far more scandalous photos. Hopefully none of us plan on going into politics...
Oh, It's Christmas...? (Assorted Thoughts)
I'm sitting at Lonney's brother's house, listening to Clinic, and enjoying some time to myself. Actually, I want to be driving to the gas station that I can see from the deck to get cigarettes because I'm addicted, but I can't find the car keys and it's bloody cold. So here I am. Let's get started.
(Hold that thought. I remembered that it's not as bloody cold as it has been, so I braved the block and a half, got some Chex Mix, and smoked a cigarette. Now I'm ready. Also, now I'm listening to No Kids.)
Billings is a bizarre place. Here are some fun facts:
- There are as many churches as there are casinos. This basically means that there are a shit ton of both.
- It takes at least three days to get anywhere in town.
- There are indeed 70,000 shitty little businesses and I'm convinced that the residents of this... place... exist only to drive around and patronize these businesses.
- The only people who walk in Billings are homeless and/or children.
- Wells Fargo is a major donor to the Catholic high school.
- Billings has a dress code. If you have an age and gender, there is a very specific manor in which it is socially acceptable for you to appear.
(*Actual factual material may be, in fact, fictitious.)
Last week was epic. The highlights include a couple nights of spin the bottle, and an underwear party. Ridiculous? Yes. Ridiculously fun? Hell yes. Though there were negative repercussions, namely that the drastic increase in the amount of making out in my life made me feel like a horny teenager. Spin the bottle skews logic. Now, when I see someone attractive I immediately want to start making out with them. This happens everywhere, restaurants, gas stations, Sherwin Williams. Everywhere.
Which leads me to my next topic: my fourteen month drought is officially over. Or rather, has been broken, as I'm sure that I will very soon find myself celibate again. Nonetheless, it's big news in my life.
And for one last bit of relevant info, for those of you who do not know, I was offered a position at The Pussy Shop, which I accepted. (Side note for O-Face and Smash: Blossom got adopted. And then she had a hernia, but she's okay.)
Happy Holidays kids. I miss you all. Here are a couple treats for you from No Kids.
No Kids - Four Freshmen Locked Out As The Sun Goes Down
x-mas
why does American pretend everyone celebrates christmas? because not everyone does, and not everyone who does wants to see stupid penguins, santas and snowflakes everywhere they go.
i hate christmas more and more every year. a year from now maybe i'll throw a party so all of us can get together rather than traveling to cities to spend time with people we don't especially like.
i'd rather spend christmas drinking with you all in my apartment listening to non holiday music, with not a santa claus in sight.
yes all of you are invited to chicago next christmas. fuck all the rest of this holiday shit.
2008-12-23
Billings: Or Why I'm Getting Even Further Away From Montana
2008-12-21
A few music videos (or) Why I should have rated The Death Set even higher.
At times I seem to forget to watch music videos. I forget to take a little time to search online for videos by the bands I happen to be listening to. At times I get depressed with the quality ratio of music videos in general. However, I like being reminded that sometimes that search is fun after all.
Things like this bring me immense amounts of joy:
I also think this Fujiya & Miyagi video is growing on me. It's an older video that I remember not quite liking at the time I first saw it. There's something about it, even if its retreading some worn territory:
I watched this video by The Faint with Aaron Young, on my final night in Boston, several times:
My question to you all: what videos have you watched lately and thought were interesting?
Death to the Auto-Tune
As he says:
"Well I was in the studio/But I couldn't hit the notes
I could have got a vocal coach/But I don't want no vocal coach"
He continues his story and then adds in some rhymes. Not a bad song actually. Listen for yourself:
some facts about moving
2008-12-20
for Dallas.
this song is a response to your current disgust with music, and one of my favorite songs by the way. a sort of christmas present to you, and the rest of the readers of this blog.
enjoy.
the replacements- i hate music
advice.
Lou Reed to Andy Warhol on the craziness of life at the Factory:
"If you don't want to die, you have to be hip enough to be square."
Words of advice that I couldn't have expressed more precise. 2008 was fun, I'm just glad nobody I knew died, pretty much everything else I couldn't have imagined did happen.
2009 hopefully will be the year when we all conquer the world and stop just fucking around.
Love you all.
2008-12-19
My New Year's Resolution
2008-12-17
Here's Who I'm Going To See in Seattle
The second show, the Friday subsequent to F&M is another British duo, Simian Mobile Disco. Yea, I'll be watching analog synth magic with amazing LED displays for an outrageous $15. Ugh. This is really horrible that I'm moving to a city like this. I'll really miss the once a year touring acts that show up in Missoula.
2008-12-16
Midnight Pajama Jam
Listen to it here! TT Zop all the way to Pussyville!
The second little thing from the guys is a special bit of holiday cheer that includes drug addictions, the holocaust and a mixtape. A bit of light reading to enjoy next to the fire with a warm cup of hot cocoa. (And yes, I am aware that it's incredibly long but I'm going for the record)
Never Forgetting
My personal battle with drug
addiction during the Holocaust
by H. Jon Benjamin (from midnightpajamajam.com)
"I was awoken by fractal light pouring through the portal-shaped window of my family's Strasbourg house. Pushing in. Light. Morning light. Today would not be like any other day. The Gestapo was performing door to door searches and it was only a matter of time before they knocked on 411 Rue de Marachelle Foch, home of M. and Mme. Benjamin, my family. There was a looming tension, like a haze, thick and heavy. My father, despite the rumors, felt sure he could negotiate with them, reach some agreement, appeal to their better judgement...something, anything. They would see our family and surely, they would make an exception. He sat at the kitchen table shuffling through papers, smoking his pipe. Short, rhythmic puffs. Smoke creeped through the air, languishing in ribboned layers up and up and up and the light mixed in with it and together they danced. There was a smell. It lingered always--cherries and cedar wood and tonka beans. My mother sat in her rocking chair, nervously sewing a sweater for baby hubert. Hubert was turning two in the fall. i was nine years old. I sat in my room, shaking. It had been ten hours since my last fix and i needed a boost. i knew it would be risky to go out and score with the gestapo patrolling the street, but i had no control over my impulse to need to feel high. I stiffly walked into my parents bedroom, trying to conceal any outward appearance of detox-ing. My bones felt like rusty metal. My mouth was dry, like i had poured flour in it. Dry mouth. The left side of my head was pulsating with a dull pain which ebbed and abated with every beat of my addict heart. My mouth was dry. My bones ached. Mouth dry. Shaking. I opened their bedroom drawer and tucked behind some papers there was a stack of 20 franc notes my father was saving to bribe the gestapo. I took 100 francs. i needed heroin. i didn't need my family. A knock at the door, heavy and resonant. I dropped the money on the floor and it fell like snowflakes onto the wide pine planks.
I frantically picked it up and stuffed it into my pockets. A thought flashed in my mind. My father needed this money to save us and i was taking it to go score Mexican black tar heroin. That thought quickly passed and i moved with singular purpose, like an automaton, to the back door and quietly left. Quietly pushing the door closed from the outside. Only the slightest sound of the door closing with a puff of air from the inside pushing it's way through, like it was following me out --cherries, tonka beans and cedar.While crossing Parc Monseau on my way to Jasper's house (Jasper dealt heroin), I smoked a little crack to take the edge off. It felt burning cold as it filled my lungs. Then, I cooked some meth and smoked it. It was then I spotted three Gestapo officers smoking cigarettes by the main path in the center of the park and they looked over and i started walking toward them with purposeful strides. That was the rush of the drug. The meth. The crack. Pushing through me. I was half the size of the smallest one of them, but when I had that fire in me, I had a different structure. Everything changed. I moved differently. I saw differently. It was electric and hot and white energy, blinding and baneful. I wanted these guys dead. These fucking Nazis that would take my family away without remorse. They didn't care. I didn't care. It was noon in Parc Monseau in Strasbourg and I was high again and my family was about to be hauled off by the Gestapo. It was driving me toward them. Compelling me. I was just inside my own body watching and listening and the sounds were muffled and everything was clipped, like I was a thousand pieces. I was nine years old and I was high again.
Chapter 2
Fourteen or so hours since my last fix. Last fix was at Redmond's house. He told his mom we were going upstairs to play with his toy trains. Redmond had an amazing set of Carette trains. We sat on his floor. He handed me his belt. I rolled up my sleeve and wrapped his belt around my arm. I pulled it tight with my mouth. Old leather. The taste was familiar. Leather in my mouth. My body anticipating all the sensations, the thunderous calm, the shadows in a empty room.
When I feel the stuff in me, I am alone in a room crouching and watching and I am in my head and I can see me on the outside, the real me, but I can't touch me, but I am not sad or anxious. I just watch and I am relieved that I just can sit and watch. Redmond scored some needles from his mom who worked at the Strasbourg Hospital changing linens for the patients. Sometimes she took him to the hospital with him and he ran around there, while his mom worked. One day he found a medical supply room and pocketed a handful of syringes. Redmond was my heroin mentor. He shot me up my first time at recess, behind the school building in the alley. I was scared and cold and i watched my breath leave my mouth in disappearing clouds and the needle went into my arm and I flinched and Redmond told me to stay still and it felt thick as it popped through the skin on my arm and then a rush of cold in elliptical waves, like a clean snowstorm inside my body and I looked up at Redmond and passed him into the strip of blue sky between the buildings above. I don't know when, but I started to feel sick and dizzy, like I was turned upside down and I felt like I was going to vomit and I did. I vomited up brown fluid with red chunks, then green and yellow kernels, then blue viscousy liquid, then white froth, then thin clear diaphonous fibers, like cotton candy, and I couldn't feel better for what seemed like forever, but Redmond stayed with me and he placed his hand on the back of my neck and I remember his hand. I loved his hand there. Strasbourg was strange and phatasmagorical when the Germans came. I remember feeling both scared and awed by the changes. Their was a dark mood, and yet everywhere, at any time, something unexpected would happen and this had a morose appeal. Especially as a kid where I couldn't completely understand the consequences, i just soaked in the snippets, like looking through a Viewmaster or the feeling of walking through a State Fair, where everything is commotion and wonderous and furious and random energy. German soldiers in symmetrical packs marching briskly. Piles of books burning on sidewalks. Soldiers beating women in front of their husbands in the middle of the street for wearing berets. Glass breaking and men crying and shouting. Snippets. Strange, sublime images. Surreal and real. Intense.
In school, lessons were taught in German and not French and M. Guigot, our fifth grade teacher, was no longer gregarious at one moment and stern the next, but rather sullen all the time. We were made to sing Nazi marching songs and showed bizzare illustrations of Jews. Jews with hats. Jews with waxed moustaches. Jews with lasers shooting from their eyes. Jews with talons on their hands wearing house coats. Jews. Jews. Jews. I began sniffing everyday. First it was heroin, then heroin combined with meth, then meth and heroin combined with sodium hypochlorite (pool cleaner). After a few weeks Redmond and I were high every day together. We were so high, we never even cared about the spot searches and the beatings and the constant harassment at the hands of the Gestapo. Soon, we got into heavier stuff. That's when we started doing 'chemo'. Once a day, we would walk after school through the 'Brown Zone', an area in west Strasbourg completely overrun by the Nazis, and up the hill to the free clinic, where we would use Redmond's mom's pass and some doctored paperwork to get full radiation treatments. 'Chemo' mixed with meth was a total bleached-out high. Raw. Hot. Every sense blown out and destroyed. We couldn't get enough, but soon the end was near. The Nazis were about to call for a city-wide lockdown and that meant no access to smack, meth or chemo. We hadn't had enough and we were willing to take any risk. Our lives meant nothing to them or us.
Chapter 3
When I returned home, my house had been ransacked. Papers strewn everywhere. Mama's rocking chair broken. Plates and glasses smashed in pieces all over. Papa's pipe on the floor in the center of the sitting room, cracked in two, with his tobacco pouch ripped open next to it. Shattered. Everything shattered and quiet and spectral and different. In the center of the house, a smoldering pile of family photos. On the walls, written in spray paint, large and looming, 'Jews are Assholes'. On another wall, 'If You Lived Here, You'd Be A Jew By Now'. On another wall, a rebus. A picture of a glass of juice, then the letter 'R', then an 'G' with a plus sign then a bail of hay.Everything was falling apart.
I was reeling and nothing mattered. I couldn't help looking at my house in ruins and my family gone and not feel anything...like i was encased in ice and everything around me looked fuzzy and melting and unreal and anfractuous and all of it folded into a dream spun by an old wooden spinning wheel that was melting and thoughts crashed in my head of snow falling softly and a doll lying on a cobble stone street and a man with a beard and puffy lips laughing and a hand on a upholstered chair with yellow fingernails pulling at the fabric nervously and the sound it made and the wheel spinning and spinning and the fingernail scratching and the wheel and the hand and the flicker of a streetlight and the echoes of everything i know and knew. I woke up on my living room floor sometime later and I didn't know what time it was. Darkness filled the room. I had befriended a young Nazi soldier named Heinrich days before at Julian's (Jasper's twin brother) house, where we would sit and smoke crack and watch American football and listen to Devendra Banhart. This was a time when everything was in flux in Strasbourg. The buildings were the same, but the city was a foreign place, like a parallel universe. The Nazis controlled everything and people were just left waiting. Waiting to see what would happen next. Waiting. Faces frozen and sad. Vacant glares and slow, anxious steps, waiting for that moment when the Gestapo approached and dragged them away without consequence. Time itself had come undone and the air seemed thick with a muddied dread. I stopped going to school over a week before I found my parents and brother gone. I basically lived at Julian's, which he had transformed into an after-hours club for young Nazis who wanted to get high. But, it was just a matter of time before they would send us away. During the day, we would sit on the corner of Rue Charlotte in front of the dime store and sing doo-wop for change. At night, we would take the change and melt it down and smoke it, along with whatever else we could scrounge. I had developed open sores on my face and arms, most likely from dirty needles and such.
When needles weren't available, we would use anything we could find or rig--mostly old cathode ray tubes (the toxic phosphors inside mixed with the heroin really made your veins cry), hollowed out lemons connected to bike pump needles, pencils, pomegranite seeds, anything we could muster up to push that syrup into our arms, eyes, thighs, arches of our feet, wrists, the soft spots of our skulls, heels, pinkie-tip pads, the smalls of our backs and shins. It was high tide on heroin beach and the waters were filled with Nazi sharks, smelling blood. Over the course of the next week, the Gestapo cut off all suppliers of smack coming into Strasbourg. The turkey was about to get cold. It was 1940. I was turing ten years old in two weeks. It was going to be a birthday to remember.
Chapter 4
Heinrich, sweet, Heinrich
We kissed and kissed some more
You made my mouth dance
Heinrich, oh, Heinrich
Nothing lasts, everything turns
Hope is illusion
Even our kiss...
What was it about this douchebag Nazi that I fell for? His pudgy red cheeks. Doughy. His dead eyes. His placid, sallow face. His thin lips hiding his crooked yellow teeth. Had this fuckhead never been a dentist? Where was he from? Some sad bleak industrial town where men wore sooty tan overalls and beat their wives and worked and worked and drank and gambled and drank and sat in dusty upholstered chairs reading Der Stuemer and blaming everything and everyone and it would be dark and grey except for some days where the blue sky and the shining sun would make it all seem worse. But when he gets high, he sneezes. It's his thing. Always sneezing and I play this game with myself where I try not say 'bless you' and it's hard to do,
because it's second nature to say 'bless you' and I have to strain to not blurt it out and he keeps sneezing and I hold onto this and it builds and I look down and focus and I just want to say 'bless you', but I don't and it builds and I want to scream and again and again and it hurts not to do all I know to do. Another sneeze and I look into his fat face and I brace myself for not knowing. Sometimes, when you peel an orange, there's a another miniature orange inside. Not always, just sometimes. Some oranges that appear to be one orange from the outside are two on the inside. I am two oranges. I took Heinrich to my house and asked him if he could help find my parents and my brother. I knew I shouldn't bring him there, but I was two oranges. We sat and drank smackaccino's, which are espresso with steamed milk with heroin mixed in with it and some powdered PCP on top. It's a jittery high that help you get stuff done. Heinrich made some kick-ass vegetarian chili we sat and made mix tapes and ate and laughed and felt like being high was a gift from God.
Heinrch's Nazi Mix to Jon
Almost Crimes- Broken Social Scene
Jocko Homo-Devo
Kampflied der Nationalsozialisten by Kleo Pleyer
I Turn My Camera On- Spoon
Bomb in the Bee Hive- Guided By Voices
Deutschland Erwache- Anonymous
Whenever You're on My Mind--Marshall Crenshaw
Radio Free Europe-R.E.M.
The German National Anthem--August Heinrich Hoffmann von Fallersleben
Slack Motherfucker--Superchunk
Als Wir Nach Frankreich Zogen (As We Drove Into France)
Pet Sounds- The Beach Boys
I can bear-ly believe it! (Please shoot me.)
Insound, via it's newsletter, suggested that a fine holiday gift for my indie-tastic friends is a set of iPod speakers that have been crammed into a teddy bear. I was blissfully unaware that such things existed. It's like a mash-up... between bears and iPod speakers.
2008-12-15
relive yr childhood on hulu
this is how ben and i are reliving the past. he-man and the masters of the universe. fucking sweet. sorry tony now your dvd set is less priceless.
one might just want to watch this over and over again.
finally someone stood up to george w bush, and tried to hit him in the face with his shoes. priceless.
click here to watch the video, over and over again.
now i finally have a sense of closure of the bush presidency. this is how ridiculous the last eight years have been, the world wants to hit us with their shoes. so fucked.
2008-12-14
spam
is it weird that i just got a spam message from santa?
is he really that down and out?
we might just all be fucked if that's the case.
Slingboxes really are this stupid
PS. Aren't you guys glad I graduated? I have so much more time to share (really stupid) things I encounter in this strange technological era with you all.
2008-12-13
New Kid Cudi
PS. As soon as Ben retrieves his iMac from storage we'll finish our remix of Cudi's "Dat New New" and have the first Cinematographer/First Folio collaboration.
2008-12-12
If I Have to Hear One More Fucking Christmas Song..
...Call me what you want...
BUT in the spirit of all y'all's year end countdowns, I will list the top 5 worst Christmas songs (and this is only my opinion so don't feel bad if I speared through your holiday memories).
5. Alvin & The Chipmunks- Christmas Don't Be Late
Oh, the simple things in life, when you kid only wanted a hula hoop. But he wanted it SOOO bad, it was nauseating. These are the things matricide are made of.
4. Amy Grant- Grown Up Christmas List
I'll tell you whats on my grown-up Christmas list, Amy. Three thousand dollars and lots and LOTS of sex. In no particular order of course. But that's all I really want.
3. Taylor Swift- Silent Night
Not only does she completely re-arrange the song so it sounds like one of her many manufactured ballads, but she is also completely tone-deaf. Maybe you shouldn't play a guitar while you sing, honey. Even if it is completely bedazzled in Swarovski crystals, I think you should concentrate on one thing at a time.
2. Britney Spears- My Only Wish (This Year) TIED with Mariah Carey- All I Want for Christmas Is You
Oh Britney. Mabe you should stop wishing for a man and start wishing for some psychiactric help. If you can believe it, Mariah's song has been haunting us since 1994. 15 years too many.
1. The Beatles- Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time
Every time I hear this song I feel the blood boiling in my veins...I hulk out. This is the all-time worst Christmas song EVER. Maybe it's the chorus of children in the background, or the fact that you can just hear the fab four leering beneath those cheesy lyrics. Terrible. Terrible. Awful.
Granted, most holiday music is enough to make me want to shiv a bitch. Let's not forget to mention ELO...
But there is one that is worth a shit...
Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, Tracey Morgan and Horatio Sans performing The Christmas Treat on SNL a few years back. Horatio sings the little tune while fake snow litters the stage. Tracey's sincere dance, Chris's constant head turning while Jimmy pantomimes the drums completes the short but sweet Christmas song that I can actually stand. It helps that I can laugh at it too.
And anything by Bing Crosby. Good old Bing makes me feel like I'm 25 with 8 kids in 1953 eating that shit right up.
P.S. Rudolph was created in 1939 as part of a marketing campaign for Montgomery Ward. There goes my childhood.
top singles of 2008.
too much good music to keep this list to ten, so here is my top 30 singles of 2008....
1. Jay Reatard- See/Saw
2. MGMT- Kids
3. Lil Wayne- Got Money
4. TI- Whatever You Like
5. Usher (remixed by Mstrkrft)- Love in this Club
6. Cool Kids- Basement Party
7. Does it Offend You, Yeah?- Let's Make Out
8. Santogold- LES Artistes.
9. Hot Chip- Out at the Pictures
10. Beck- Gamma Ray
11. Crystal Castles- Crimewave (Crystal Castles vs. Health)
12. TV on the Radio- Halfway Home
13. Deerhunter- Cover Me (Slowly)
14. Ratatat- Mirando
15. King Khan and the Shrines- Welfare Bread
16. These New Puritans- Colours
17. No Age- Eraser
18. Foals- Mathletics
19. the Mae Shi- Pwnd
20. Vampire Weekend- A-punk
21. the Dirtbombs- Ever Lovin Man
22. Deerhoof- Basket Ball Get Your Groove Back
23. the Kills- U R A Fever
24. Re-Up Gang- Roll with da Winners
25. Bun B feat. Lil Wayne- Damn I'm Cold
26. Abe Vigoda- Dead City/Waste Wilderness
27. Of Montreal- Id Engager
28. Sebastien Tellier- Divine
29. Gnarls Barkley- Blind Mary
30. Tapes n Tapes- Hang them all
postscript. much praise goes to diplo, megasoid, girltalk, justice, the hood internet, dj a plus d and others for their dance floor killing remixes and mashups, but i wanted to keep this list focused on original cuts. usher was the exception cause well mstrkrft made the song even better than i could have imagined..... so enjoy.
2008-12-11
New Song
Some of you may have heard this one. I just finished putting a few touches on it. Still needs a few details done to it and fills of course of course. Oh and Ben plays guitar which I recorded using the mic at the top of my Macbook screen. Its not a bad little mic.
My New Favorite TV Show
I've just recently been hipped to this amazing British show called Skins -- which was described to me as "Degrassi done right." It's a pretty damn incredible teen drama. The first sesson is coming out on DVD in the US this January, but there are some full episodes on Google Video, including the very first episode of the series which is embedded below:
One of these days, I'll really have to put some thought into writing a real essay about why this show is so damn brilliant.
2008-12-09
My Dad is on Facebook
WWWWHHHYHYY?
I had to go through and take down pictures of me and edit posts I have made that would be offensive, because, generally I AM offensive. On the daily. I've just tried to hide it. I guess he's gonna have to find out sometime. Most of the pictures you can't take down, because theyre posted by other people. Thats why I hate Facebook.
If he gets a Myspace I'm never using the internet again.
Facebook Sucks, So Why Do I Use It?
Groove Line
When I was recently in Chicago, one of the records I dug up was Heatwave's Central Heating. Certainly a factor in the purchasing decision was the fact that the record contains the song "Groove Line" which was featured in an episode of Freaks And Geeks -- the song to which Nick Andopolis danced in the disco competition. I love this song so damn much, but can't help but wonder just how huge a percentage of my love is based on my feelings towards that scene. God, it's just such damn magnificent, feel-good disco. I feel like I must do an electro-y remix-y type of thing with this one of these days. Yes, indeed.
Update: Here's the song in context. God, I love Freaks And Geeks.
2008-12-08
Top 10 Albums of 2008
I've been postponing actually writing this entry for quite some time because I'm honestly still a little undecided about it. I've convinced myself that one of these days I'll wake up and the entry will write itself; that I'll know exactly how I feel about each album and be able to rank them accordingly. Nope. Not happening. This is my best shot.
Here it is:
1. These New Puritans - Beat Pyramid
I anticipated this release since TNPs composed the track "Navigate, Navigate" for Hedi Slimane's Dior Homme show. They wrote and recorded the thirteen minute track in less than a week, at a time when not one of the members was more than nineteen years old. At no point does this album disappoint. TNPs have truly perfected the genre. Since it's release in March I have listened to Beat Pyramid, from beginning to end, almost every day. It might not be the most inventive, technically perfect, timeless album, but for this year, it made its impression.
2. Portishead - Third
I acquired this album four times this year: when it was leaked, I bought it on iTunes, the CD, and then the box set. Twelve years later, breaking out of the genre of trip-hop, Portishead put out a relevant and incredibly solid collection of songs. When it all feels like it might be getting a bit too heavy, they break the mood with "Deep Water", a simple acoustic track that is far more along the lines of Beth Gibbons solo work, but nonetheless fits perfectly. This album, and Beach House's "Devotion" acted as the soundtrack to much of my late winter, early spring.
3. TV on the Radio - Dear Science,
As you'll later find out, I forgot about this album. How did I do that? I blame sleep deprivation. This album should not be forgotten. "Halfway Home" is possibly the best opening track of any album this year, so much so that I often have a hard time not listening to it over and over instead of letting the album play. However, once I burn myself out, I'm reminded that the rest of the tracks are equally as great. From the immense sound of "Stork and Owl", to the catchy handclaps on "Golden Age", and the cacophonous build in "Love Dog" this album runs the gambit. I must say, though, does "Family Tree" sound a bit too much like "Adventures in Solitude" by The New Pornographers to anyone else? Not necessarily a bad thing, but it's distracting.
4. The Kills - Midnight Boom
This album is unrelenting. Like on "Keep on Your Mean Side" and "No Wow", every track plays its part in creating a fluid whole. Because of this, it's hard to pick a favorite track on the album. There seems to be something for everyone, and every mood. I can still only remember bits and pieces of seeing them in Seattle as the whole experience was a bit surreal. Thanks goes to Jared for introducing me to their music.
5. The Muslims - S/T
If there was one band I wish I could have seen in 2008, this is it. Their take on simple, American garage rock makes me yearn for simpler times. Many people have said they sound like The Strokes of 2008, which is understandable, but to me discredits The Muslims. The Strokes released their first album in a time when their genre was thriving. In a year ruled by synth pop, mash-up, vocoder and autotune, this band stuck true to a timeless sound. Let us hope more people come to their senses and we can witness the extinction of vocoder and autotune.
6. Hot Chip - Made In The Dark
I forget how much I like this album. Hot Chip has always been great at juxtaposing their quick, danceable tracks with their slower lovelorn ballads. My qualm with this album, however, is that it completely loses me after "Don't Dance". The last two tracks may as well not exist for me because it is always at that point that I restart the album. I've tried my damnedest to let them grow on me, but there's only so much trying will achieve.
(This is why I've been putting this off... It is at this point I've realized that I forgot about TV on the Radio, which means I have to go back and try to figure out where it fits. Fuck.)
7. Beach House - Devotion
Upon seeing them play two years ago at Crazy Daisy, of all places, I fell in love. The follow-up to their self-titled debut was perfectly executed. Many sophomore releases fail by trying too hard to be different from the first, but Beach House stuck to their guns and hit the mark. When I listened to "Astronaut" for the first time I was put off, but, with less than a minute left on the track, the song evolves into something, if only briefly, delightfully catchy. Their new single "Used to Be" is definitely worth giving a listen.
Beach House - Heart of Chambers
8. Crystal Castles - S/T
I don't really have that much to say about this album, that hasn't been said already. Over the top at times? Yes. But I still listen to it at least once a week. It's good. That's all I have to say.
9. Clinic - Do It!
I feel that at this point it is necessary to clarify that this list is based on many different things. One of them, which plays a large role is some sort of emotional connection to the album. I have always liked Clinic, and while this album isn't groundbreaking, it is comfortable and that's not always a bad thing. And while I find myself listening to 2007s B-side release "FUNF" on more occasions, "Do It!" is still a great album. I think Clinic is the reason I like Vampire Hands as much as I do; they have very similar sounds. Also, the last track "Coda" is possibly the most effective closing track on any album this year. When it comes on you know they're wrapping things up. It leaves you with this feeling of, "Really? Already?" but doesn't leave you feeling empty.
10. Santogold - S/T
The number ten spot was easily the hardest to fill. There were several bands in the running but ultimately I feel like I can't overlook this album. The range on this album is incredible, and the list of collaborators is equally as impressive. There's nothing more I can tell you that you don't already know: This album is great.
By the way, I know this entry is long as hell, and I apologize. Stay tuned for the honorable mentions and bonus round...
P.S. Blogger is the most fucking finicky site. Apparently, when you copy and paste from another program, blogger likes to remember any previous formatting and then make it impossible for you to remove it. That's why this post looks janky. Laugh hard Eric, this is karma for being so anal about spaces. Imagine how much this is bothering me...
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