Speaking of Mothers...

... here's the conversation I just had with mine.

* * * * *

My Mom: "I can barely hear you. Where are you?"
Me: "The Ox."
My Mom: "The what? Is that that sandwich place with the cans?"
Me: "No, mom. The Ox. It's a bar-restaurant thing. Like a greasy spoon."
My Mom: "Oh, for gosh sake, what are you doing in a place like that?"

(Pause)

Me (thinking, "I need food and a cigarette and wireless."): "I don't know... Everything else made me want to vomit in my mouth. I was craving a BLT and fries."
My Mom: "So, you were craving a BLT?"
Me: "Yes. It's been a long week."
My Mom: "Craving?"
Me: "Yes, mom: craving. Comfort food."
My Mom: "Are you pregnant?"
Me: "Oh god, I hope not. That would just top off this whole freakin' summer, wouldn't it?"
My Mom: "Wait... Is that a possibility?"
Me: (In the same voice I use when she asks if I'm taking my vitamins): "No mom."
My Mom: "Are you going to church?"

(Later...)

My Mom: "Well, if that's the attitude you're sending out into the universe, then of course life is going to suck."
Me: "I don't know. It's not just me. I think most of Missoula's having a hard run right now."
My Mom: "Well, you should lend your friends that book I gave you."
Me: "Yeah mom. I'll get on that."
My Mom: "I'm serious."
Me: "I know. I'll post it on our website right now."
My Mom: "You have a website? Where is it?"
Me: "Dubya dubya dubya dot the secret dot com."
My Mom: "Ha. Ha. Ha."

* * * * *

Consider yerselves told.