Full Story at 11.

So, the top story on CNN.com this afternoon is about Utah's decision to move their state workers to a four-day work week. Yay! All of those women now get to spend Fridays with their kids! Second billing goes to an article about cheating spouses, cleverly titled "Spouses Caught Cheating" (perhaps in response to Jamie Lynn Spears' fiance cheating on her while she was pregnant, as I learned of today.) HilRodClint gets her name placed into nomination at convention, for whatever that's worth. And some Rice student was arrested in Berkeley for disappearing/assuming a false identity. Stuff about Georgia, someone got shot, suicide bombers in Iraq, etc., etc., so on and so forth.

In other news, Amy Winehouse's dad is fucking pissed off that some one spiked her drink with ecstasy, resulting in a trip (ha) to the hospital. ScarJo kissed Penelope Cruz, which sounded like it would be fairly exciting, until I realized that it was for Woody Allen's new project "Vicky Christina Barcelona." Julia Fucking Child used to be a spy for the US, which just seems unfair. Ali Lohan may or may not have had a boob job.

Oh, and apparently Christian Bale assaulted his mother and sister in some hotel before the European premiere of "The Dark Knight." So that's what they call a family: Mother, daughter, father, son. Guess everything you heard about is true.

The ocean's "dead zones" are doubling. There're problems with the iPhone. Bigfoot was caught. Again. Some insects breathe underwater by carrying their own air-bubble, thus thereby eliminating the need to come up for air.

And "researchers claim that women start their adult lives happier than men, but from the age of 48 onwards are more glum." Which gives me something to look forward to, I guess. Apparently, the other contributers to this blog might "tend to be unfulfilled during their 20s, both financially and in their family lives, which makes them miserable. But by middle age, men have fulfilled their financial and family life goals and have cheered up." Whereas women just get sadder and sadder. Except, perhaps, those women in Utah who now get three-day weekends...

Remind me again why anyone reads the news?