Good Plans Gone Awry...

A few weeks ago I found myself scheming, which I never do. I came up with a fail-safe plan to curb my relationship related loneliness that involved dating high school girls. I mean, come on, they're a young, fertile, naive, easily manipulated, untapped dating pool. And the best part is that the vast majority of them don't have a keen enough sense of homosexuality to recognize my birth defect. (Yes, homosexuality is a birth defect. And thanks for bringing it up, as if it's not already hard enough to deal with without you poking fun. "Look at him! He's so weird and gay!" I'm dealing with it very well, though. Clearly. Thanks for asking.) Trust me, I've played this game before.

Fast forward to today. I haven't yet found the necessary spare time to put my plan into hardcore action, which is a shame. Anyway, I was sitting outside the UC with Dallas before her radio show, smoking cigarettes, as we do, when I was approached by a fine young lady, clearly dressed in her gym garb. I was confused for a moment, but then she asked if she could "borrow" a cigarette. I told her sure, she could even have one, and then asked if she needed a light. She hesitated and said yes. Then, after lighting her cigarette she simply stood there and stared at me, completely ignoring the fact that Dallas was sitting with me. I didn't say anything, people lover that I am, and finally she said thanks and walked away.

At this point I sat pensive for a moment and then turned to Dal and found myself asking for confirmation that I had just been flirted with. My plan (Well not quite my plan, but close. She was probably a freshman.) had practically enacted itself and I dropped the ball. I do, however, have to applaud the young, probably-not-actually-a-smoker, assertive coed for approaching a guy, especially a guy as good looking as me.

So, on this day, a mere two weeks shy of the one year anniversary of the last time I had sex, I am here to tell you that when you think there's no hope of getting effed, maybe you just need to lower your standards.